So...I decided NOT to start that day. Which was because we were celebrating something quite big. And daddy opened a great big spanking new bottle of expensive liquor. Fattening liquor. And wouldn't you know it, I had to drink or they'd suspect something was up.
But fear not. I'm starting today. And already I'm super hungry. NOW I finally get it, I remember what being wannarexic was like. You have to feel hungry ALL the time. Not a little bit of the time. Not half the time even but ALL the effing time. And I've just made it that much harder for myself, because now I have thirty-one days to do it, thanks to my own procrastination and greedy, greedy attachment to food. I don't know why I love food so much. I certainly don't love it more than being thin, which I'm starting to fear I'll never be. All my life, I'll be called "thunder-thighs" (yes, I was called that recently and it blew a coin-sized hole in my fragile heart).
I can't. As much as it hurts to wave away food, as much as it hurts to not bite into the chips on the table, it hurts far more to not be thin. So I've been driven to it.
Intake for today- DAY ONE
1 small bowl carrots
1 small bowl fruit
That's it.
I'll be back later but in the meantime I'll leave you with some thinspo, so I can feel disgusting about my weight (157- I hate hate hate my lack of will power, it's truly nauseating). For once, I'll say, don't do this if you're sane. Only if you're INSANE, like me.
Love always from
your sad fat sack of Failure.
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