Intake?
1. Five tablespoons of lentils (I would say about 100 calories, not more than 150)
2. A glass of raw tomato juice (50?)
That's really it. Oh, and 3 cans of Diet Coke. No other liquid besides water. So, 200 calories at most. Quite acceptable. The funny thing is, my parents commend me on not eating. When I do eat, they look at me in disappointment. They can't wait to have a thin daughter. My mum, especially, can't wait to take me shopping for the smallest possible clothes we can find in the store. I've always been a dutiful daughter, the overachiever, the A+ girl. Can't let them down over this, can I?
I also weighed myself, and I lost two pounds. I'm a little disappointed that it's ONLY two pounds, but at this rate, I'm sure I'll lose 5-7 pounds by Sunday, which isn't bad at all. Right now, though, I'm starting to feel a numb hunger in my tummy. I keep reminding myself that this is going to be a long, slow journey. Patience is key.
You see, I've been on millions of diets before. Literally, millions. And the most I've ever lost is about 15 lbs. I'd restrict calories for a couple of days, or go to the gym for extended periods of time. But I'd inevitably throw in the towel and never really lose any significant weight. This time it has to be different - hence this blog. This isn't some temporary quick fix. This is going to be a way of life. Baby steps. To get to that size two, I will have to utterly transform my body.
It's going to be slow. It's not going to be easy. I wonder how many more days I will feel that emptiness in my stomach. But then, I tell myself, once my stomach shrinks, I won't feel so hungry anymore. I'm tired of hating my body, of always choosing the L sizes from the back of the clothes rack. I'm tired of covering up and being ashamed and hating it. I can't wait to be the thinnest of my friends, to look like Audrey Hepburn in little black dresses (PS-Breakfast at Tiffany's is fantastic thinspo!), to really start living. I commit to Ana. I give myself into your care, change me.
On a more mundane tone, I'm quite tired - I suppose it's the low energy level making itself felt. I'll leave you here with the famous 40 reasons NOT to eat. What the heck, I'll even throw in a picture of the gorgeous Ms. Hepburn and even a little reverse thinspiration. It's called This Is Why You're Fat (thisiswhyyourefat.com) and I promise you, it'll help you no to that slice of cheesecake in the fridge. Till next time, my thin darlings.
40 Reasons Not To Eat
1. too many people in the world are obese
2. only thin people are graceful
3. the only time people do notice a fat person is when thay get in the way of that beautuful thin girl walking by
4. guys will want to know you, not laugh at you and walk away
5. fat people can't fit everywhere
6. the models that everyone claims are beautiful, the splitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? indeed not
7. ballerina? or beanbag?
8. nothing tastes as good as thin feels
9. thin people look good in any type of clothing
10. eating is conforming to everyone else's expectations
11. have you ever seen a person not notice a walking skeleton
12. nothing can't be fixed with hunger and weightloss
13. underweight aka perfect body
14. you'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider
15. people will remember you as "the beautiful thin one"
16. you'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back
17. you will be fat if you eat today, just put it off one more day
18. anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can achieve real beauty, inside as well as out
19. i want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints
20. guys will be able to pick you up without struggling
21. hunger is your friend and it won't betray you like food
22. i want to be light enough so a helium baloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds
23. only fat people are attracted to fat people. do you want pigs to like you because you are one of them
24. bones are clean and pure. fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite
25. you will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones
26. think as anorexia as your secret weapon
27, is food more important than happiness in life? i think not!
28. when you start to get dizzy and weak you're almost there
29. you don't need food
30. people who eat are selfish and unrealistic
31. saying "no thanks" to food is saying "yes please" to thin!
32. starving is an example of excellent willpower
33. if you eat then you'll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto and trailer-trash hookers on jerry springer
34. if someone has to describe you, they'll say "oh she weighs like 100, 110 lbs"
35. fat people are so huge, yet people look away from them as if they don't exist
36. food is mean and sneaky. it tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out making you fat, bloated, ugly and unhappy
37. if you slap a fat person you can see a shockwave ripple over their skin. that's disgusting
38. starve off the parts you don't need. they're ugly and they drag you down
39. do you want people to say "for gods sake get off me you're crushing me!"
40. if you can name one reason to be fat, i'll name a million and one to be thin
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